Over the last few months, I have been reminded of the fears that I had felt back in 2006 when I was afraid that people were not going to like me, and that they would judge me harshly all because of the games I like to play.
They would call me some names, often suggesting that I have a poor attitude towards women, and other things.
So what did I do to deserve this?
I just made a flash game demo, of a jungle girl, fighting against the perils of the jungle using nothing more than her skills to avoid being eaten by snakes and plants and stuff like that.
And some people were criticising me all because of the way I had the jungle girl dressed.
And they said that I had put her in a threatening environment.
I know that it must have been just a couple of individual people saying this, but I was really just wanting to make a game that I would love to play using my limited skills of flash at the time around 8 years ago.
In the end, the forced me to change her outfit, they forced me to make her younger, and they forced me to change the game to make it complicated instead of a simple design.
I see gaming nowdays and look back at my original design, similar to the Game & Watch Octopus game but instead of undersea and octopus's tentacles, you have to avoid the snakes and the plants and gather as many berries as you could.
Gaming today, even some of the casual gaming, is quite simple and yet I was forced to change things in my game all because people who were not into games wanted me to make something all because they expected games to be for kids and to be complicated.
They did not understand that as for my first game, I wanted to start simple and just do something I was comfortable doing for myself to test out what I had in my limited actionscript programming skills.
The game I was forced to make, almost broke me with the number of different issues I had to come across with too much on the screen making it hard to run at a normal frame rate.
So yes, that was my first game and it was ruined by those who less understood me and my capabilities
Over the last few months, I felt that most of the criticism I had felt back then were from people who for some reason, took issues against me, all because they labelled me as misogynist all because I was creative but I was not doing what they expected me to do.
And I was not doing anything wrong, I was just trying to make a game for people in their adult years who had fond memories of how games were back in the 80s on the game and watch but using Flash software.
And I now look back at those days in my TAFE years, and feel like I must have had a real hard luck story.
Not only was I in a class of people who did not really take any interest in gaming, but the flash game was only meant to go as far as being a proposal for a flash game, not an actual full game.
I worked my butt off trying to find the source code just to teach myself programming in action script. and they threw that hard work out the window all because it was not what they wanted me to do.
I had to do my own stuff at home, as well as looking after my younger cousin almost every SECOND NIGHT because of his mother being in a car accident from the year before and his father being distracted on getting his wife home instead of leaving her to be taken care of in the TAC house where she was better looked after.
Sorry, I had to really let myself go on that one, it was a hard time in my life at that stage.
Anyway, I found out that some people in class, were feminists and not the good type that try to fight for equal rights, the feminists I had to encounter in my class were the ones who hated men or hated anything they saw in man culture, or even in geek culture. And they labelled me and my original idea for the game as the problem instead of understanding me.
I felt that something went wrong, and they lashed out against me, and I had no idea why they were so angry with me.
Now with all the #GamerGate issues that have been going on in the last few months, I fully understood why some people did not like my original idea of the game I wanted to make in Flash during my TAFE years.
It was not a problem with me, it was the feminist view taken to the extreme.
Also last month, I commented on a video at the anime club we were watching that was looking at trailers at new anime series being advertised in Japan.
One of them looked like it was a visual novel dating sim type of anime.
I said that it might be something I might like to get someday since I like dating sims,
then I heard someone say something that was negative...and I did not know what it was.
I am a little sensitive to some words that start with the letter p, because I know that I love the games that I like, but I just don't like it when people make assumptions about games.
They judged the game as....something...all because the girls in dating sim games are young, and that someone like me who is 30, who plays games like that, they consider it as ....something....
When I play Dating Sim games, I take the role of the character, and the character in the game is dating girls who are similar to his age.
So I don't consider the game as ...something...
But then again, people do have this opinion, and just like the femininism situation, I feel that sometimes we take games too seriously, mostly those who less understand about games than those who do play games
If we think too much about the social implications of a game, and end up criticising the developers and the gamers, just because one person looks at a game in a certain way compared to those who do understand it better. Then we end up falsely accusing the game and its creators and the gamers who are fans of that type of game, for something that has nothing to do with the game itself.
And over the last few months of the whole #GamerGate
situation, I can finally look back at those harsh times I faced from others, and know that I am not a bad person, and did not do anything wrong. And that nobody should judge me or my character of who I am, all because of the games that I like to play.
And I am not the only one who has had to go though this experience too.